Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
