There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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