omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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