So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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