so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
