gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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