this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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