i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
