legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
