I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
