I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
