The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
