Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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