Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
