Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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