Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
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i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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