I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize