Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
