I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my shit smells like andre
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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