: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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