sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
