you mean i was at the winter classic?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
