so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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