Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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