I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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