I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
