She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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