Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
