i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
