This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
