Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
