he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
