Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
