Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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