nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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