dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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