what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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