piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
