He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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