He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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