i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
