I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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