True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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