I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
