real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
