I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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