Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
