The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
