Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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