Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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