Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
