Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
