two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
