We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
