I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize