the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
