Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
