Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you had me at cake vodka
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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