it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
