You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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