Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
