Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
