And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
