They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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