I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
