youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
