I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
