It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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