had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
