Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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