Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
