So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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