I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
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So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
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This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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