Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize