dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
